In Poland there is a legal PROHIBITION against hitting children. It is regulated by the Law on Prevention of Domestic Violence and the Family and Guardianship Code. The use of any corporal punishment against children is illegal!
“There is no doubt that a spanking is always – regardless of whether in the parent’s opinion it is ”gentle” or forceful – a form of violence. No adult would accept it as a method of influencing someone’s behavior in a partner relationship or as a way of giving a reprimand – for example, in the workplace(…) Any spanking violates a child’s physical and mental boundaries, exposes him to pain and discomfort, humiliates him, and deprives him of a sense of unconditional love from those closest to him. It also destroys the relationship with the child and makes the toddler afraid of the parent. Besides – spanking doesn’t work! It can teach the child that it is worth lying to avoid punishment. It makes the toddler not understand the rules and norms in force, but only tries to avoid pain and annoyance at all costs. It doesn’t teach what is right and what is wrong.”
“There is no doubt that a spanking is always – regardless of whether in the parent’s opinion it is ”gentle” or forceful – a form of violence. No adult would accept it as a method of influencing someone’s behavior in a partner relationship or as a way of giving a reprimand – for example, in the workplace(…) Any spanking violates a child’s physical and mental boundaries, exposes him to pain and discomfort, humiliates him, and deprives him of a sense of unconditional love from those closest to him. It also destroys the relationship with the child and makes the toddler afraid of the parent. Besides – spanking doesn’t work! It can teach the child that it is worth lying to avoid punishment. It makes the toddler not understand the rules and norms in force, but only tries to avoid pain and annoyance at all costs. It doesn’t teach what is right and what is wrong.”
Violence used against children is increasingly publicized, as well as stigmatized. Despite this fact, it is still a very serious problem – unfortunately, in a large part of Polish society, violence against children is still accepted and even considered a form of upbringing.
It is not easy to control one’s emotions when experiencing difficult situations, but “even the strongest emotions between adults do not justify hitting another person. We would never accept a situation in which an irritated employer would administer a “light spanking” to his employee. We go to considerable trouble to respect our co-workers even in conflict situations. This is sometimes not easy, but we know that others have the right to be treated properly, to have some respect.”
We can afford to try and make great efforts to behave properly toward other adults. So why do we deny children this right to respect?
It is not easy to control one’s emotions when experiencing difficult situations, but “even the strongest emotions between adults do not justify hitting another person. We would never accept a situation in which an irritated employer would administer a “light spanking” to his employee. We go to considerable trouble to respect our co-workers even in conflict situations. This is sometimes not easy, but we know that others have the right to be treated properly, to have some respect.”
We can afford to try and make great efforts to behave properly toward other adults. So why do we deny children this right to respect?
How does beating work?
- can stop children from doing something at a given time, but only in situations where there is a threat of punishment (e.g., in the presence of a parent using a beating),
- Spanking does not induce children to behave properly – they do not learn how they should act – children who have been spanked do not internalize norms, they do not develop an inner conviction of what is right and wrong,
- experience and learn that people achieve their goals by force,
- Children who experience physical punishment exhibit higher levels of aggression and tend to perceive other people’s intentions as hostile,
- They feel humiliated, hurt, and these feelings remain in the children long after the redness from the spanking stops hurting,
- children suffer harm from their loved ones – from the people they trust and count on the most in the world, which leads them to feel rejected, angry, worthless, so much so that after a while they may become indifferent to being beaten – because otherwise the feeling of being hurt would become unbearable.
“Spanking, ear-pulling and slapping, as well as humiliating comments and challenges, often accompany a child throughout his life. In his eyes, violence can easily become a normal form of behavior toward other people and, in the future, toward his own children.”
“Children from their parents should experience love, care and nurturing. Those who are beaten feel fear, sadness and anger when their parents administer spankings or other physical punishments. These feelings make it difficult for them to absorb the lessons their parents may have wanted to impart to them. Children may shy away from certain behaviors out of fear of punishment, but not because they have understood why the behavior is wrong. So we can at most increase a child’s obedience (given the limitations described above), but we are unlikely to lead to his moral development(…) At the same time, various studies of the effectiveness of educational programs aimed at parents indicate that if parents abandon the use of physical punishment and turn to more constructive parenting methods, they are able to encourage the child to behave properly and cooperate. Importantly, this attitude gives the parent the opportunity to establish a valuable and close relationship with the child that is not based on fear and instability. So it’s worth stopping and rethinking your approach to raising a child!”
What to do if you witness strong aggression against a child, for example, in a public space?
- “Notice.
Signal that you have noticed the situation. Making eye contact can be a sufficient response to stop a parent or caregiver’s disturbing behavior. Be alert and don’t be afraid to observe. You have the right to watch what happens in public spaces.
- Make contact.
When a parent is so overcome by emotions that he can’t stop himself, rational arguments won’t reach him. If we want to respond effectively – we need to lower his tension. Ask a simple question – such as: “Excuse me, is something wrong?” You can also refer to your own experience, such as: “I remember when my children were that age. It’s a very difficult time. Is there anything I can help with?” Sometimes it is enough to say out loud, “I can see that it is difficult for you,” or “Sometimes we have a bad day and then we can’t get along.” If you get at least a little closer to the truth – the parent may calm down and open to further conversation. This is also an effective way of directing the parent’s attention to himself and diverting it from the child.
- Name what you see.
Don’t beat around the bush, but also don’t criticize or attack. Speak calmly but firmly about what has bothered you – such as: “I see that you hit the child”, “Please do not hit the child. Please never do that.”
- Propose a solution.
Parents sometimes beat their children because they can’t cope with pressure and strong emotions or don’t know other parenting methods. Then most often they need support themselves. You can then spread the word that you can learn to cope better with difficult situations by asking for help from a specialist at a nursery, kindergarten, school or psychological-educational counseling center.”
The Crisis Intervention Center in Lublin provides assistance, among other things, when parents need support and to develop parenting skills. Call 81 466 55 46 to learn more about current classes for parents and caregivers.
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